DNF Review: The Lucifer Code

Y’all know I hate giving up on books, but I’ve done it again. It’s a shame too, because I really enjoyed the plot of The Lucifer Code, it was thrilling and promised to be unique, but I know the second I got to the part where Lourds makes out with his kidnapper on one page, and his ex-girlfriend on the other, I would be sick. It’s what happened in The Atlantis Code, and the first pages of this sequel proved that Charles Brokaw has not changed his character tactic at all. Too bad, but I’m sure I’ll survive. For those of you that don’t mind horrible one-liners and a main character with a libido as big as the ocean that cares not for whom the bell tolls, you may like both of Brokaw’s books. But for those of you with higher expectations, perhaps a ten-page streak or more without gagging on the sexual innuendo, these books are not be for you.

Thus ends my second chance with Charles Brokaw. Visit my review of The Atlantis Code here.

Teaser Tuesdays: The Lucifer Code

Teaser Tuesdays is hosted by Should Be Reading. My teaser this week comes from The Lucifer Code by Charles Brokaw. This is the sequel to Brokaw’s The Atlantis Code which I reviewed here. I was hesitant to take this book on, as I was not a fan of the first book, for reasons you can find in my review. So far, I’m still not a fan. Why? Because the character still thinks he can sleep with every woman he sees! Even the ones that are kidnapping him! And he can still get turned on by said kidnapper when he’s being SHOT at from a HELICOPTER and also being chased by the police down an alley where his only escape is INTO the car of the people that are kidnapping him! Example:

“Get out of sight!” Kristine yelled at the other man. She pressed her body against Lourds’s and held him against the wall. The experiences wasn’t altogether unpleasant. His body reacted instantly to hers.
He prayed she wouldn’t notice.
She cursed. “What do you do? Mainline Viagra?”
“Not hardly. I just like women,” Lourds said.

Need I remind you this is the same b&*ch who cocked you (no pun intended) in the head with her gun? The same one who almost broke your arm while she coerced you to run toward a machine-gun-wielding muscle man? The same one who kicked you in the face? Apparently Lourds forget those little tidbits, but I haven’t. And I haven’t forgotten Brokaw’s description in the last book of a hot little lady wearing a cut-off t-shirt showing cleavage and a bare midriff with a belly button ring. It’s awesome that the same description happens on the SECOND page of his new book. Excuse me while I puke. I don’t know if I can finish this one, folks. I pushed through the first just so I could review it fully, but I feel like I might be burning my brain cells.

In My Mailbox Monday: The Lucifer Code

In My Mailbox is hosted by The Story Siren, and Mailbox Monday is hosted by Bermudaonion.

Last November I wasn’t very nice when I reviewed Charles Brokaw’s The Atlantis Code. It really annoyed me and you can see why here. I’m giving him another go though, as I received an ARC of his sequel, The Lucifer Code.

The Lucifer Code by Charles Brokaw

Thomas Lourds ventures to Istanbul University in Turkey to examine artifacts never before seen by Western scholars. He’s barely off the plane before he’s kidnapped by ruthless people who leave a string of dead bodies in their wake. They want Lourds to translate coded writings that they hope will lead them to a lost scroll authored by John of Patmos—the same John who wrote the Book of Revelation in the Bible.

The writings on the scroll might bring about the end of the world—or might stop it. They might even raise the Devil himself—but there are signs that the Devil has already risen and that he is very interested in Thomas Lourds. No one knows for sure what will happen if the scroll is found, decoded, and translated, but several powerful men are seeking it, and they will stop at nothing to get it. And one of those people has ties to the US government, ties that lead directly to the White House.

Booking Through Thursday: Half

Ahhh this is a funny, funny question for Booking Through Thursday. One we all know about.

So … you’re halfway through a book and you’re hating it. It’s boring. It’s trite. It’s badly written. But … you’ve invested all this time to reading the first half.

What do you do? Read the second half? Just to finish out the story? Find out what happens?

Or, cut your losses and dump the second half?

Here’s my answer: It depends. It depends on how far I’m in, and how awful the book is, and whether or not the awfulness amuses me. For example, if I were reading a book and it was awful in a really awfully bad way, I’d put it down and never go back. However, if I’m half-way through a book and it’s awful but it’s so awful that it’s making me laugh? I will finish it, laugh at the awfultasticness, and write a scathing review. Exhibit A: Review: The Atlantis Code by Charles Brokaw. How about you?

Funniest Thing Ever

I post my reviews on other websites, I’m sure we all do. Well if any of you have reviewed The Atlantis Code by Charles Brokaw, as I did, and gave it a negative review, as I did, than perhaps you received a little comment on your Amazon review from “Sweetheart” which said “Sounds like you didn’t like this book because you are a woman. Very biased review. What did you think you were reading a Romance novel?” And I quote.

So at first my reaction was: “What an a*****e!” I specifically put in the fact that I’m a woman and am being objective and all that other whatnot in my review, so this “person” is just messing with me and wanted to ruin my day (jerk!).  But then I clicked on “Sweetheart’s” profile and looked to see what other books he/she has read and reviewed. There are 25 so I was about to give this person credit… until I saw that EVERY single review says almost the same thing: “A great read. I liked the story and could not put it down. I felt the same way about THE ATLANTIS CODE by Charles Brokaw. Both are terrific novels.”

Ha! Now not all of them are word-for-word the same, but please! Visit Sweetheart for yourself! Enjoy my lovelies!

Review: The Atlantis Code by Charles Brokaw

Setting aside preconceptions from The DaVinci Code, The Atlantis Code by Charles Brokaw is about a Harvard linguistics professor, Thomas Lourds, who stumbles across an ancient artifact wanted by a secret group of Cardinals from the Vatican. Together with television journalist Leslie, and Russian police officer Natashya, Lourds and a few other characters travel the globe in search of five ancient instruments inscribed with an untranslatable language, somehow linked to the lost city of Atlantis. Where did the instruments come from? Are the ruins in Spain really Atlantis? And how can Lourds and his women escape the evil Cardinal Murani with their lives intact? These are the types of plots and action and conspiracies which I adore in a book. Running for your lives, secret languages, ancient artifacts, evil dudes wearing robes. I eat these things for lunch, and I like them.

Brokaw’s twist on an often used stock-plot (Catholic Church hides something, and someone else must discover it) was new and unique and I was thankful that it kept me entertained. Lourds is searching for five musical instruments that unlock Sacred Texts which the Church does not want known. This is the reason I kept reading, I wanted to know the key to the mystery. Did they really discover Atlantis, and would Lourds be able to translate the artifacts in time? Sadly, it’s the only thing I really liked about the book.

Before I get started on the things I didn’t like, I will confess something: I’m a woman. I know, shocking. But I’m saying that now because in case some guy reads this and thinks I’m biased because of my sex, I will also say that I’m not a moron. I know how the male brain works, but I also know how books should work and they’re not supposed to placate to the male fantasy of travelling across the globe while two hot chicks fight over you. Less is more, but Brokaw’s sexual undertones were blatantly obvious and annoying. From the first time Lourds meets Leslie and appreciates her trim figure, to the second time he sees her, wearing a crop top and a belly ring, to the time they’re on a boat together heading toward Venice and “the chop of the waves rolled their bodies together in a manner that was altogether too pleasing and too tempting,” (177).* It became way too frequent, and way too sickening. Especially when Natashya enters the picture, complete with trench coat and pockets full of guns. I believe Brokaw enjoyed turning her from a masculine character smoking a cigar, into a feminine vixen wearing pajamas with no panties later in the novel. It’s a shame it was more for his own pleasure than that of the reader’s. He’s not a misogynist, he does not hate women, but he certainly enjoyed making them into stereotypes for his own entertainment. He used the phrase “grind him into dust,”* and he wasn’t talking about a fist fight, people. Lourds is supposed to be middle-aged, but sexy; intelligent and kind. But he’s a pig. He can’t possibly understand why two women fight over him? And Leslie can still find time to be jealous when she’s running for her life? And Natashya, really? I had faith that you of all of them would remain normal, but no. Sadly, the only character who lived up to my expectation was the evil Cardinal Murani. He knew what it meant to be a villain.

• I’d give this book 1 star for the character of Thomas Lourds
• 1 star for the character of Leslie
• 2 stars for Natashya
• 3 stars for the bad guys
• 3 stars for the writing
• 4 stars for the plot and twist on religious conspiracy
• 1 star for the ending with the women
• 3 stars for the ending with the plot resolution
• Average: 2.25 which rounds down to 2

So there you have it folks, 2 stars. I am sad for that. I received this book from GoodReads First Reads program and I was so very excited to start it. I love these types of books. I do not enjoy giving bad reviews, and I’m sorry that I have to, but it’s necessary. We don’t read books just for the plots, we read them because we enjoy the characters and we can relate to them. I thought Thomas Lourds was going to be a great character, he had all the beginnings of one, but he decided to think with his libido more than he should have, and I can’t enjoy that when it happens every ten pages.

If you’ve read this book, leave a comment to your review, I’d love to hear what you thought of The Atlantis Code.

*My copy is an uncorrected ARC, so quotes and page numbers may be subject to change in final version.

Teaser Tuesdays: The Atlantis Code

It’s my favorite day of the week folks! Well, not really because in general Tuesday’s are a disappointment since it’s neither Monday, nor any closer to Friday, but the highlight of Tuesday is definitely Teaser Tuesday hosted by MizB at Should Be Reading! Yay!

Typically when I post a teaser, I like to give you a really good sentence or two that has stuck out from the rest of the book. I know this is kind of against the rules, because you’re supposed to let your book fall open to a random page and you’re supposed to post a random sentence or dos and the page number. But when I’ve tried that it’s usually a horrific sentence, mostly boring dialogue, and it just seems like that would be a waste. So I started posting good sentences that I knew you would like. Until now. See last Tuesday I posted a random sentence, per the rules, from The Atlantis Code. It ended up being quite funny. But since then I’ve not found a sufficiently good sentence to post for a Teaser. Lucky for you, I’ve found a couple bad sentences to post in place of the good ‘uns.

To give you a quick idea of the scene: Thomas Lourds ( linguistic professor and ladies’ man) has just received a lilac scented business card from some cougar who wants to jump him. Leslie (sexy photojournalist with an eye on Lourds’ “brain”) sees the exchange.

“Leslie plucked the card from Lourds’ hands. ‘Trust me. You won’t need that.’ She deposited the card into the nearest waste receptacle and guided Lourds from the outdoor cafe and back into the street. Lourds didn’t mind. He had a photographic memory for telephone numbers. Even international ones.” (179)

Really dude? You’re a tool. It’s become blatantly obvious to me that I’m going to have to set aside my dislike for Brokaw’s cliché characters and obvious sexual subtext to appreciate the adventure aspect of his book. It’s a difficult task, since Lourds keeps pretending he doesn’t have a clue as to why two women would be catty to each other in his ever-so-sexy-professor presence. Gag.

The Sunday Salon – Quicky: The Atlantis Code

Happy Sunday Doodles. For today I thought I’d post a Quicky on The Atlantis Code by Charles Brokaw. A Quicky is posting of my initial thoughts on the book I’m reading.

To give you an idea of what The Atlantis Code is about, I will transcribe the first line of the back-cover book synopsis: “A thrill-seeking Harvard linguistics professor and an ultrasecret branch of the Catholic Church go head-to-head in a race to uncover the secrets of the lost city of Atlantis.” And now I will perform a magic trick, with no smoke or mirrors. I shall read your mind, my Doodle, and tell you what you are thinking. You are thinking: Heck, that sounds a like The DaVinci Code but with Atlantis! And yes, I was thinking it as well. I wish Brokaw had picked another university, ANY other university than Harvard, because sadly all of his readers are no doubt going to compare his book to Dan Brown’s novels because he made a protagonist who happens to be a Harvard professor.

Setting that aside, I had high hopes for The Atlantis Code, like I usually do with books. I was really looking forward to starting it since I love action/adventure/mystery/sci-fi/lost-secret types of books, and it’s been a while since I’ve been able to indulge in one. I’ve been slightly disappointed so far, I am sad to say. The main character, Thomas Lourds (Harvard dude) seems like a playboy, who happens to be ridiculously smart and knows pretty much every single language known to all mankind, past and present. He’s supposed to be middle-aged and sexy, a la George Clooney I’m thinking, but his mind can only focus on flirtation and belly rings when it’s not trying to transcribe ancient artifacts. Setting aside my dislike of Lourds, I’m able to acknowledge the fact that the plot is starting to pick up, thank goodness. I’m finally to the point of action books that I like: they’re running for their lives!!! Secrets are flying, conspiracies are hiding, artifacts are popping up out of nowhere and they’re super-duper old, and I love it. It reminds me of James Rollins’ first sci-fi books which I’ve just added to my Christmas wish-list because I got rid of them all way back in the day (stupid!).

Anyways, I am enjoying this book much more now, I just wish Robert Langdon Thomas Lourds would stop thinking about belly rings and boobs and stop trying to flirt with Leslie, who is apparently a dimwit.

What are you doing today?

Teaser Tuesdays: The Swan Thieves, The Atlantis Code

A very merry unbirthday to you!  Who me? Yes you!

Annnnd now that you’ve all got the Mad Hatter in your head you may proceed to ask me the question most prevalent in your mind right now:

“Alayne? To what do we owe the pleasure of a DOUBLE Teaser Tuesdays?”

Well, my friends, you see it all started with my redonkulously slow computer and the lack of processing speed it seems to have at the moment. Add in an additionally slow, and ultimately unsuccessful attempt at upgrading, and you get me: reading, and then finishing The Swan Thieves. So, not only do you get a good ol’ teaser from The Swan Thieves, but you, LUCKY YOU! will also receive an unprecedented teaser from my next endeavor, The Atlantis Code.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa verry meryyyy unbirthdayyyyyy….

“His faded, golden clothes, the dark brightness of his hair, the olive of his eyes would all go with wings, and if Robert had had wings they would have been immense.” The Swan Thieves, Elizabeth Kostova (384)

“Leslie smiled. ‘Not as well as I’d like, but my dad gave me a pitching wedge for home protection. I asked for a Glock. He gave me a golf club.’” The Atlantis Code, Charles Brokaw (53)

So, what’s your tease? It starts at Should Be Reading (she has the best memes), but post your links here as well so I can check them out. Gracias!

Mailbox Monday: Amazon, P&P&Z, S&S&SM, The Atlantis Code

I’m quite excited to be able to post another Mailbox Monday this week. It’s hosted by The Printed Page and you can post your links there or here, or just get crazy and do both.

I received lots of goodies via the post this past seven days and I get to share them all with you. Don’t be jealous though… since I’ve received all of the following books, I’m officially not allowing myself to purchase any new ones for a looooong time. You may remember I bought eight books from Amazon, while the haul arrived this week and I was overjoyed to open it and rearrange my To Be Read bookcase to fit them in.

 I also received a wonderfully late birthday present from my step-sister. I LOVE late birthday presents because they come as a surprise when you least expect it, and are that much more awesome! She sent me two fabulous books: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, and Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters!

And, on top of that, I received a Goodreads First Readers advance copy of The Atlantis Code by Charles Brokaw. I can’t wait to start this one either; it looks to be about the Lost City of Atlantis, and I love good intrigue and mysterious cities that vanish. Who doesn’t?!

So, I’m jam packed with new books and doubt I’ll have a new Mailbox Monday for a while. At least not from any purchases I’ve made. I think I must ground myself for a bit until I can make some realistic space in the To Be Read bookcase.

What did you get this past week?